Enriched Affections

These past few weeks I've been wrestling with loneliness. It's been a difficult transition; moving from having someone to talk to about everything to... well, to sharing that with a journal, and maybe a few highlights for my friends. The huge positive is that I talk a lot more with God. I know He's always known me, but I'm feeling like we're communicating better, and more often, than I ever have in the past. However, the loneliness still remains. I know I'm not alone in this life situation. My mother-in-law (how does that work now?) who will always be my second Mom lost her husband several years ago, and I know she's wrestled with this. I have friends who have been single all their lives, seemingly content with their friends and their God, but go through seasons of doubt and discouragement all the same. I know others who have lost a spouse through death or divorce. Still others who simply feel alone even within their marriage and outwardly perfect life. ...

I come to this song in a very different place than when I first heard it. This was released way back in 2006, back when I had two kids and was just getting my feet wet in full-time youth ministry. It's another one of those tunes that's become an old friend. We don't talk every day, but she's there when I need her, ready to remind me of her simple, poetic, and paradoxical message. I love how it begins. "When you lead me to the Valley of Vision..." This must be the foundation for the Christian as we walk through the valley. Valleys don't happen by chance. We don't stumble into them. We are led there, sometimes gently by the hand, other times with a bit more force, like dragging a dog by his collar to the vet. As I look back at the valleys I've walked through I must say I've come to love them. That may sound strange, but it's true. Granted, it's a lot easier to say that on this side of a deep one. I know a few friends that are travel...

In October of 2017 I was on the threshold of the valley. At the time I didn't know all that God would give and take away, all that He would lead me through. But one thing He was certainly doing was breaking down my pride. You see, humility has always been a struggle for me. Too often I am enthralled with my own gifts and abilities, forgetting the One who gave them to me. Why is that? Today's song helps with this struggle. It finds the space where the Christian should walk, between utter brokenness over sin and the joy of being made righteous. It's a healthy place where I can honestly say "I am a sinner through and through" while simultaneously praising God that "My righteousness is Jesus life." This is summed up well in the phrase I have tattooed on my arm: Simul Justus et Peccator (Simultaneously Justified and a Sinner). A Saint and a Sinner. That's me. For some reason God really impressed this on my heart, and now I'm reminded of this tr...

This has been a crazy week. Since my previous post I've had the opportunity to reconnect with so many old friends that have reached out to me. I've been so encouraged by your comments and messages. You would think this feeling of community would energize and motivate me, but the reality is I've been dealing with depression again for a little over a month.* I think it's getting better. Maybe it's all the rain or difficult circumstances. I don't know. Having gone through this before I'm seeing the same old signs, but dealing with it very differently. I think you know you're depressed when you can watch How to Train Your Dragon 2 with your kids and almost start crying when you see Hiccup and Astrid talking... just talking. The mind starts to wander... Will I ever have someone like that again? It sure would be nice to have someone, just to talk to about everyday life, the future, silly goals, a funny thing that happened while flying on your dragon. Of co...

This post was a bit of a struggle to be honest. A week of wet basement, which is now just moist and musty, repair estimates, band prep, Dadding... I feel kind of distracted. I wish I'd spent more time in the Word, wish I'd spent more time doing lots of things, but that's not how things worked out. And you know what? That's ok. Even when I'm feeling pulled all over the place and anything but profound, which is most of the time, it's so good to listen to my song of the week and reflect back on what God has done. Up today is A Christian's Daily Prayer. This is the perfect song for me in the morning, or before bed, or really any time. So often I awake with little to no energy to face the day. Rather than feeling refreshed, I feel lethargic and ready for a few more hours of sleep. In the early months of 2018 this was particularly pronounced while I went through depression. As I awoke, I'd have a few blissful seconds of hazy semi-consciousness where the r...

I was hoping to post this morning after spending some time blogging last night. But I never got to blogging last night. Real life kicked in a bit. I'm sure you know what I mean. You plan to work out, get your gym bag all ready, and then you get sick that morning, or a child gets sick, or a work meeting goes late. I used to beat myself up a bit about missing those self-imposed deadlines. I'd feel terrible for missing a morning quiet time or not blogging when I meant to. But you know what I've learned? You probably already know this, but salvation doesn't lie in checking off everyday of McCheyne's "Read the Bible In A Year" calendar. It doesn't lie in posting on your blog and getting tons of hits. It doesn't lie in being a pastor or having the wife, 2.5 kids, and a dog. Salvation is found in the Lord alone. excuse me...be right back  ...    ...    ...    ... Sorry about that. You see, my basement is flooding. If you live down here in Chattano...

I don't remember when I first came across this song. It was probably one of those suggested songs that Spotify played once my playlist was over. I'm so glad it came on. It has become a regular listen and a consistent encouragement. "River of Grace" has one of those melodies that gets stuck in my head... way better than Baby Shark or that awful Selfie song (both of which were gifted to me from my daughters and took a solid week to clear out of my head... thanks girls). Anyway, this song comes from an album of "Lullabies for the Beloved", so don't read anything unintended into the baby reference. When I first heard it, I needed the comfort of a lullaby. We all bear burdens, some which we place on ourselves; some which are forced upon us. Everyone's burden is different, but no less important or difficult. I texted with my brother a bit about that today, and I think it may be helpful for me to put a few of my thoughts down regarding these burdens ...

Are you weary? It is an underutilized word considering how many of us feel its weight. Often, weariness is something you don't realize you have until you find relief. In other seasons, weariness is a known companion as constant as an aching limb or poor eye-sight. So I ask again, are you weary? I've known weariness this past year. I wish it was from working out too much or from wearing myself thin with ministry work. Those are a different kind of weariness which I've often worn and even enjoyed. However, I'm speaking of a more difficult journey. It's the weariness of facing the unknown day after day, of not knowing where the next paycheck will come from, how medical bills will be covered, whether a marriage will work out, what will happen to the kids, does anyone even care about me, why do I feel so alone, will this season ever end? Often I'd go weeks without noticing it. Maybe I got used to it, like breathing the thinner air of the mountains. But of course...

As I prepare to post this, I can't help but wonder what state of mind you readers think I'm in. I wonder that myself sometimes. Despite the sad nature of many of these songs, I feel like I'm doing ok, at least for today. One day at a time, right? This past weekend was tough, dealing with some bitterness and doubt. But overall I'm doing so much better than I was. A huge reason for that is the overwhelming evidence in my life that God loves me and is working in and through me. I don't know how exactly, but I don't need to know. As this week's song says, "I can't understand all that you allow. I just can't see the reason. But, my life is in Your hands and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust you."  Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. Vineyard Music is not the typical place Josh Huff gets his worship music. And yes, you'd be correct. However, there are often small gems of music that God brings into my life from unexpecte...

This song has broken me down and built me up more times than I can remember. There are so many rich memories tied to it, and I'm incredibly thankful that God gave us this modern psalm. So, let's get real for a minute. Have you ever had a panic attack? I don't mean a moment of stress where your heart races a bit and you need to collect your thoughts. I mean a full-on, you can't move, catatonic on the floor, staring at a spot on the wall just to stay sane because your mind is firing off scenarios, memories, and false hopes like fireworks at Disney World. If you haven't, count yourself blessed. My first one came in late 2017 with many more to follow. They would come on unexpectedly; sometimes at home making a sandwich, sometimes unloading groceries, even once while driving. Thankfully I was almost home and was able to find a safe place. The most inconvenient one was on Thanksgiving with family over, although there's really never a good time for it. What I f...

"The ability to experience true joy while simultaneously experiencing intense grief is an ability only the follower of Christ possesses." This was a phrase my pastor reminded us of this past weekend, encouraging us to rejoice always. I have to say, I whole-heartedly agree. This is yet another paradox of the Christian faith, along with being strong when we are weak, being wise when we seem fools, and living as a saint even though I’m still a sinner. Joy in the midst of sorrow is what this song reminds me of every time I hear it. Even though I experience the heavy hand of the Lord, I can still praise Him and worship Him, knowing that this pain will produce a joy exponentially more intense than the hardship. As Paul wrote, “This light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2 Cor. 4:17) This very passage is quoted by John Piper during the bridge of this song. It reminds me that there is purpose behind the pain, a so...

So, full disclosure, this picture will probably be my next tattoo... just sayin'. It's so full of the imagery that has carried me through the ups and downs of life, especially through this past season. In the words of Frank Catton, let me break it down like a fraction for you. The first image that jumps out is the anchor. But it isn't just any anchor, it's an anchor formed from the classic Chi Rho symbol which has long stood for the name of Christ. Christ the anchor. He certainly has been that for me. As this week's song says, He has been my sure and steady anchor, in the fury of the storm, when doubts blew through me, when my sails were torn, when hopes were few. He has been my anchor. Wrapped around the base of the anchor is an unwrapped scroll, symbolizing the Word of God which is the lens through which I know Christ and what He's done. Written on that scroll is the Hebrew word "zakar" which means "Remember." Remember, as in God re...

It was an overcast day, late in October 2017. I shambled into my office at church, still in shock from what I had just heard. My wife of 13 years had fallen in love with someone else. How could this happen? What had I done wrong? Why? What? How... My mind was spinning, my heart was starting to numb, and I needed to find some solid ground. I made my way into the sanctuary and sat down with my old friend, the piano. I needed to sing, to talk with the Lord, to emotionally find release in a way that only music can provide, and hopefully find some peace. I didn't know I was within a few weeks of my final time leading worship. I didn't know that soon I would be asked to resign. I didn't know just how many friends would fall away. I didn't know the pain of the loneliness I would feel or the fog of depression I would fall into. I didn't know about the bi-polar disorder that affected my wife. I didn't know divorce would be in my future. I didn't know just how l...