Worship Wednesday- Yet I Will Praise

As I prepare to post this, I can't help but wonder what state of mind you readers think I'm in. I wonder that myself sometimes. Despite the sad nature of many of these songs, I feel like I'm doing ok, at least for today. One day at a time, right? This past weekend was tough, dealing with some bitterness and doubt. But overall I'm doing so much better than I was. A huge reason for that is the overwhelming evidence in my life that God loves me and is working in and through me. I don't know how exactly, but I don't need to know. As this week's song says, "I can't understand all that you allow. I just can't see the reason. But, my life is in Your hands and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust you." 

Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. Vineyard Music is not the typical place Josh Huff gets his worship music. And yes, you'd be correct. However, there are often small gems of music that God brings into my life from unexpected places to remind me of truth or to point me back to His grace. This is one of those songs.

I first heard it during a previous intense season of trial, back in 2009. It was very similar to what I experienced recently- I lost my church job, my reputation, even my home. But this time is was a direct result of my sin. Like 99.9% of men out there, I looked at things I shouldn't have on the internet, and the result was that I was asked to resign my position as Youth Pastor. Of course, I lost my church housing as well, and of course it was super fun have that particular sin made public to the church at the request of my pastor (he who must not be named...).

There I was, with my third daughter a few months away from birth, looking for a new job, a new home, and trying to find my place in my church as just a regular attendee who wrestled with and was repenting of sin. This song, along with many others, plus Psalm 34, kept me focused on the right things. I didn't understand why, but I knew I could trust the Lord. He was faithful as always. He provided a job, a home, a healthy baby, and even used my situation to cause a very unhealthy pastor to leave my church.

I can look back on that situation in my own life and see how He has worked to grow me in my faith and to bring Himself glory through it all. So, if I have to suffer a bit, I know Christ has already suffered. If I have to walk blindly for a bit, I know the Light of the world will be with me. In my brokenness and desperation, He is by my side. I know that because I've seen it, not just in my own life, but in the pages of scripture.

I love this song because it's like an old friend, reminding me of a decade of God's work in my life. It's simple and meditative. Sure, it doesn't have the depth of In Christ Alone or And Can It Be, but it matches the simple poetry of many of my favorite Psalms, like the one I read this morning:

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

    From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

    who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

    he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

    he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep

    your going out and your coming in

    from this time forth and forevermore.

This Psalm doesn't unwrap the theology of God's sovereignty over suffering. It simply reminds me that the Lord is my help, my keeper, and my shield. This song does the same. Sometimes, when you are really going through it, the deeper doctrines of the Word get cloudy. You know what they are, but they get clouded over with circumstances. These poems, simple songs, are like a breeze that blows away those clouds, helping us remember the deeper truths we may forget in the middle of a trial. The deep truths of God's sovereignty, His grace, His faithfulness, come swiftly to mind as I hear the simple truth of this song... yet I will praise.

Yet I Will Praise

Vineyard Music

I will praise You Lord my God,

Even in my brokenness I will praise You Lord

I will praise You Lord my God,

Even in my desperation I will praise You Lord

And I can't understand all that You allow

I just can see the reason

But my life is in Your hands

And though I cannot see You,

I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn

I will praise (trust) You Lord

Even when I feel deserted I will praise You Lord

Even in the darkest valley I will praise You Lord

When my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone

Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God,

Even in my loneliness I will trust You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God,

Even when I cannot hear you I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget that you hung on a cross

Lord you bled and died for me

And if I have to suffer I know that you've been there

And I know that you're here now